Bowling Ball Larceny

Trying to delete a comment spam, I accidentally deleted the following, which was a favorite post, and which I therefore reprise now by reposting:

Dec. 12, 2004

Wife Lissa, who is something of a goofball, installed a large post in the front yard – a 4×4 set in concrete – with a bowling ball as a finial. It is both amusingly decorative as well as functional: when she’s thinning cactus or iris, the post serves to display her “Free Iris” or “Free Cactus” sign. (You can see it in the background in this June 2003 photo. Mark this Exhibit A.)

About a month ago, someone stole the bowling ball. She quickly replaced it. (Any thrift store worth the name has a big box of bowling balls for cheap.) This week, we were again bowling ballglarized.

Lissa watering iris with bowling ball in background

It’s a bit of a dilemma. One hates to give in to the forces of darkness, but how many times will she need to replace it? Are the thieves hoping to collect enough balls to start their own alley? If so, where will they get the shoes?

Nora suggested coating the next ball with itching powder. I suggested one of those bank robbery exploding dye packs, though the engineering details are a bit murky in my own mind, so perhaps that’s not practical.

Suggestions are welcome.

One Comment

  1. Perhaps you can set up some kind of LCD that gets triggered when they remove the bowling ball?

    Or, even simpler, some kind of evil jack-in-the-box contraption that wishes a thousand evil karmic winds upon whomever steals the ball.

    Or, even simpler, just put a sticker on the underside of the bowling ball that says, “My dog peed here” or “This was my dead grandpa’s bowling ball” or “This bowling ball will detonate in approximately 3 days unless returned to its perch.”

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