This just in:
NORTH POLE — Kris Kringle announced today that he has dropped the centuries-old tradition of stuffing coal into the stockings of naughty boys and girls. The decision comes at a time when record warm temperatures and thinning sea ice are threatening the very existence of Kringle’s North Pole toy-making and distribution center.
“In light of the prominent role of coal burning in global warming, Santa has decided that he can no longer in any way endorse the extraction of coal,” explained Ilbereth, Kringle’s spokes-elf. Poor behavior will not go unpunished, however. “Silicate rocks and organic mulch will be replacing coal in stockings, with the occasional mercury-free rotting sardine and DVD of An Inconvenient Truth for those extraordinarily naughty individuals.”